These posts are getting seemingly more spread out but it is not because I am in the throws of drinking as it would have been in the past. It is because I feel like a brand new person.
I had my first week at my new job and I love the fact that I have a purpose. I can get up in the morning and have a shower and get dressed into respectable clothes (rather my normal sloppy ones), put some make up on and head off to a job which I can tell will be very fulfilling.
I have been motivated and organised and present all week and it is a wonderful feeling, The dynamics in my house have changed dramatically. People aren't walking around on "eggshells" not knowing how others are going to react if I have been drinking, how I will react to their reactions etc. A calmness has settled in and even the dogs are quieter and more content.
I have been out shopping today with hubby for a bit of retail therapy because all my lovely work clothes of the past are far too small. I really have let myself go and am now on a mission to get back into some of these clothes by losing 20kgs. That is my goal. But, I am not going to beat myself about it and become depressed because that just creates a cycle that repeats a downhill slide and I am on the way up this time and heading in a much more positive direction.
The only real concerning thing about the new job is the preparation for Christmas activities. Unfortunately, I am part of the management team which is expected to attend functions. The first one is in a couple of weeks and it is a lunch and a wine tasting and a tour of 4 vineyards. I am getting pressure from my family not to attend because of the obvious temptation and on the other hand, I am getting pressure from my new boss to attend to be seen as wanting to be part of the organisation management structure. I do not really want to come straight out and say "I am scared to go as I am an alcoholic in early sobriety". Why? Well, I don't know these people from a "bar of soap" and am not sure what impact that would have on me in the organisation. On the other hand, I don't want to go and get tempted, get plastered and make a fool of myself as that is sure to have a very negative impact on me. What to do, what to do?
I am not going to stress about it at the moment because I have some time to formulate a plan. The easiest thing to do is make an excuse to not go but part of me wants to go to prove to myself that I can do it. The big question is can I do it?
Dear Cherie, Congrats on the new job!!! Number one priority is you ! I have always read your blog but have never commented until now. You can choose part of none of the work function options they do not matter as much as your new found balance. Do not risk anything of course you can prove yourself one day but it maybe not this Xmas ..you are fragile but you are creating such a better life for you and your family. Best wishes and I am so proud of you already ! Remember you are No 1!
ReplyDeleteI agree with Terri. Cherie, only you know what you can handle. You have to make that decision, but, above all, you can't risk your sobriety. If your sobriety crumbles, you lose your family harmony, potentially, your new job and, above all, your new found sense of self worth. I am so happy for you and know you will make the right decision. Grinning from ear to ear!!
ReplyDeleteI'm not sure you _can_ go to a wine tasting without tasting, however they spit it out, don't they, so I suppose, if you could handle that... still, I'm thinking there will be pressure to "enjoy" the wine you've been tasting at dinner. Personally, since these are strangers and alcohol abuse has a stigma attached, I'd lie through my teeth to get out of it. I'd take my new boss to one side and say that I am terribly worried about the vineyards because I'm on long-term medication which means I simply cannot drink because I'd end up violently ill very quickly. There are a whole bunch of ideas here, I'd pick something long-term, not embarrassing, that doesn't affect my ability to do my job or require time off sick. An antihistamine perhaps http://www.myhousecallmd.com/would-you-like-some-beer-with-your-prescription/
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