Yes yes, back to day 1 yet again. Why oh why do I keep doing "research"? Haven't I researched enough over the years to know that drinking and I don't get along? Apparently not - grrrrr.
On the positive side, and there is always a positive side (even if is minute) I had 10 days sober and I had not had 10 days sober since Easter this year gone. Am I pissed off at myself? You bet you I am so fucken angry with myself and if I could have a voodoo doll I will put a red hot poker up her butt. But I don't, but I have (my family aside) something far more precious and that is nothing but support to prop me up yet again - no angry faces, no arguments just pick yourself up and try again. It is amazing the amount of time people in recovery invest and care about each other. It is an unconditional caring.
I am actually really grumpy and I am trying to ignore this but my son who is almost 18 is still lying in bed and I know he is awakw. He is waiting for me to bite so he can throw yesterday back in my face. I am struggling to contain myself from having a go at him. Mum said ignore, ignore, ignore - I might have to go to the library for that because I am damed if I am going o use him as an excuse to drink today.
I totally understand. For a year I have never gotten past two weeks. I am on Day 8 and I am worried I'll get to 15 and blow it. Seems at two weeks I forget about all the misery it brings to my life. I am trying to go to meetings so I can hear the stories and remember how horrible I feel after I "try to just have a glass or two".
ReplyDeleteToday is a new day...don't look back that is not the direction you are headed!
Hi Cherie, so sorry to hear but I know you can do it. Stay strong my friend. Ax
ReplyDelete