Well, I have been a bit up and down really. I had some good sober time (for me - 10 days) and then just crashed down in a heap. Who can I blame? Just me - always just me. No one else buys the shit, bring it home and pushes it down my throat - oh I do that all by myself..
Monday this week started out OK. But I drank in the end. Police arrived because son and I had a fight ( this is funny - he egged me but what wasn't funny was the physical threatening so police turned up and took son away for a couple hours ) poor me - yes I pured me a drink or 7 and son was not well as has shingles. I can use any excuse and I do. Maybe I am just not cut out for this sober business, maybe I am doomed to a life of misery and have sentenced my family to the same ? maybe I just want it to do it by itself without any work from me - I don't know.
Yesterday, Thursday I started out Ok but by 1pm I had had a drink and I had passed out somewhere on the road - woke up in hospital - intern said - madam, do you think you have a drinking problem?" I said "fuck yes I hate the shit". Why don't you try and moderate? By this time - I am still a bit pissed - I say "can you moderate? Oh yes - I only drink once a year and then I can only have half a glass of wine and feel woosy" How can people do that?
I hat alcohol and wish it was never ever invented and never sold at supermarkets - grrrr fucken grrrrr
Cherie, you will kill yourself if you continue. Your idea of starting a blog to chronicle your journey to sobriety was a great one. Even when you are losing the battle temporarily, please post daily. Believe me, it will give you more incentive. We are not here to only celebrate your success but to be by your side as you struggle. I tripped along for about five years and relapsed all the time from the moment I decided I had a problem until I quit for good. Relapse is part of recovery but if you over-do your relapses, you take a chance with your life. They say we do as we want to do down deep. Do you want to die? If you do then you need to find a reason to live. You are a funny, vibrant, loving mother of three children and wife to a good husband. We are all better off with you IN our lives. If you can't do it for yourself, then do it for your family and for us. Learning to love oneself takes lots of time and soul searching. xoxoxox
ReplyDeleteHi Cherie, you are obviously in a bad place at the moment. Please look after yourself, I'm worried about you. Please keep posting and keep us updated. We are all here for you. Please take care. A xxx
ReplyDeleteHi Cherie,I have no answers for you but just want to say we are here and feeling for you heaps. I know not everyone can blog/read and find that enough help to quit.Some people need to go somewhere where the choice isn't there and dry out.with professional help.Whatever you choose we won't give up on you or judge you.
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