The time is 5.29pm on Tuesday afternoon. It is dark and cold and I just want to get my pjs on. I did not blog yesterday. I had a mixed day really. It is much better for me if I blog because I feel more centred and able to cope. My opinion.
I was was thrilled Mrs D commented on my blog about my dreams because honestly, I felt like I was nutier than normal. ( Not sure that is possible). It is school holidays and I feel a bit lost really. If I get up at normal time I walk around the house like a zoombie. and then come lunchtime they want food and transport. I really should be grateful that my middle child wants a friend to stay and more so that her friend wants to stay and the mother is happy about it. I guess that is a positive eh.,
Anyway, my lovely ex nanny arrived yesterday afternoon and I am so so embarassed. She never knew I had a drinking problem but she sure does now. I had not had a drink but told her some of my stories she was horrified..She and her daughters are awesome, but I feel like poor me again. I am not going to feel like that. I think my mother is also a bit horrified in parts because I am not sure if she knew the full extent. She knew it was bad, but I am not sure she knew actually how bad!
My husband has said that he is not sure about blogging and whether it is helpful or not! Maybe he is right to some extent. That is depressing too. He thinks that blogging is is just a means to have the poor mees and have people feel sorry for you. "You have to do it for yourself". I know I have to do it for myself and I am by blogging to help myself (I think). As I said to him "it is more about me documenting stuff as things occur and it is better to get it out rather than internalise - which I am very good at by the way - because that just leads to more drinking!
Negative blog for today so will try and be more positive tomorrow.
Cherie xx
Hi Cherie, my hubby is much the same about blogging. He does not understand what the big problem is, since I've always been so good at hiding my addiction. Sometimes, I haven't been able to hide it but I manage to make up clever excuses and life goes on. For me, this blogging has been extremely helpful. I don't have a big circle of friends in my life right now because of moving around and perhaps, a little because it would have interfered with my drinking habits. Now that I'm blogging, I have a handful of supporters who are counting on me deep down and I count on them. They are there for me when hubby does not sometimes understand. There will be positive posts and negatives ones - it's an up and down kinda road we are on. Hang in there - I'd love to see you keep writing x
ReplyDeleteThanks. I will and I am following yoru journey too. Hang in there yourself. I will write my blog soon for today but need a lie down as I can feel the anxiety rising.
DeleteHi Cherie, I just blogged five minutes ago about the exact same thing. My mind was playing tricks on me about why I blog. Your husband does not understand. It's OK, it's not his job to understand. His job is to support you and he is probably doing the best he can. But if you feel it's a positive in your life then that is all that matters. Here's the link to my post: great minds think alike LOL Here's the link: http://grannygetssober.blogspot.ca/
ReplyDeleteThanks Deb, I will look at your blog too. Thanks for support xx Cherie
DeleteYou may have to do it for yourself, but you do not need to do it BY yourself.
ReplyDeleteIt is the ability to relate to the others there that makes AA so helpful. You could say anything and no one would be horrified. You would get a lot of knowing nods and similar tales back.
Finding other alcoholics is a huge step towards recovery. Please consider going to a meeting to see what you might find.
And blog. We are not just positive support, we are people who have walked or are walking the same road you are.
Hi Deb, I am doing AA too and have a sponsor but as posted earlier I feel like a bit of an "AA failure" I am just doing what I need to do. Thanks for your support.
ReplyDeleteSorry, I meant Anne. Obviously losing it :)
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