Thank you to those lovely people who have commented on my blog and are now following me. I feel like I have got so well needed support.
Well today is Tuesday and the time is 10.25am and I have had a crap morning. All three of my children have played up this morning and as I am writing this I have my 15 year old daughter crying in her room - and won't tell me what is wrong. Maybe the boyfriend who is actually 19 has realised she is only 15 and has dumped her - well here is hoping! My 13 year old daughter has locked herself in the lounge crying. She was a terrible toddler with tantrums you could not imagine. Well, we had one of these this morning - I got angry with her and told her she was being childish as she locked herself in the bathroom for almost an hour because she is too tired to go to school! Then along comes my 17 year old son well, he bashes on the bathroom door and shouts (and I mean shouts) "you pathetic girl get out of the bathroom or I will break the door down and drag you out by the hair". I was not pleased!! The only positive that came out of that is that she did come out of the bathroom and got dressed for school but is so upset she can't actually go to school. I was scared the police were going to arrive - again.
So here I am, sitting on the upstairs computer desparate to go and get a drink and really, really fighting the urge. I have already been to supermarket this morning and what a drama that was. I got abused by my son because he thought I had bought wine in amongst other things - which I hadn't. Called me selfish because he wants me to drive him to get his hair cut at 1.15pm. I had to blow into the breath tester about 7 times before he would believe that I hadn't been drinking! I offered to blow into it to prove I had not been drinking but he did not believe me.
Anyway, it is now 11.15am and both girls have stopped crying. My mum texted me this morning and said ignore all the crap. Easier said than done but I have tried!
Well it is now 2.51pm and I have given in. I feel so guilty and angry. I had a whole bottle of wine but tipped it out. God that was so hard. I can use anyone or anything as an excuse but I chose to pick up the drink. Bugger, bugger bugger. I am so very angry I don't know what to do with myself. My 15 year old has been politely asked to leave school my 13 year old did not go to school because she was tired and scared of my son. I give up really I want to cry and scream but what good would that do?
Hang in there girl. The awful teenage phase does pass and they become normal.. eventually. I feel for you and wish there was some advice
ReplyDeleteI could give you. I didn't drink when my kids were young or living at home but started at about 40 and it has been my best friend. I'm trying to dump my best friend but as you know its easier said than done....Keep up the blogs :)
Hey Lilee thank you again for your supportive comments. I did not start drinking until I was 36 and am now . Keep commenting or if you want to chat on a more personal basis send me an email on mrsstryingtobesober@gmail.com
DeleteYou are going through a really hard time. It's easy to think you need the wine to cope, but really does it make anything better? Hey, you tipped it out. Don't beat yourself up for turning to the bottle first. It's a habit we have to unlearn. Is family counselling a possibility? Just wondered. I have teens and I know you can get stuck in certain ways of relating. At least your Mum is supportive. I find it helps if I can give myself a boost and do something that makes me fee good, but it's hard to be happy when your kids are going through drama. As Lilee says the teens don't last forever. You need to put energy into yourself now
ReplyDeleteThank you so much. It is easy to buy into their problems and I feel guilty that I have not been the mother I wanted to be because wine got in the way. I really appreciate your support :). Kids not interested in family counselling - we have tried. It is all about me fixing myself (as far as they are concerned) . Funning you said doing something for you will give you a boost. You are so correct. I have found that this blog has been a godsend. I was so unsure about doing it because I did not want to be "just another sob-story drunk" but it has really helped me offload. xx
DeleteI feel for you. I think that there are many paths to sobriety and I am sure most have slip ups and wrong turns along the way. I think the key is to keep chugging along no matter what, at least that is what I am trying to do. Keep moving forward xo.
ReplyDeleteI agree. If you fall just get up and try again. I quite often think I am a failure for slipping but if I don't get up and try I may as well give up. Thank you for your support. xx
DeleteToday will be a much better day for you. your positiveness will rub off on your children and they will eventually respect you for it....Little secret Ssshh. My day one yesterday was not perfect. Someone had left 2 bottles beer here and I just had to have one. Saw it was brown dark stuff and was sure I would hate, but it was lovely :( Anyway onward and upward.. It could have been a bottle of wine. Today is the big test... Going to town to work then the supermarket!!!
ReplyDeleteKeep strong Lilee. Great you did not drive the 12kms to get the wine. Today is a new day and I am about to start my blog for today but I have been busy replying to all my comments. How cool :) Let me know how you get on.
ReplyDelete