Anyway, now that I have cleared my inbox and tried to waylay fears I thought I would write a positive blog today so that all you lovely people who are supporting me can see that I am grateful to be alive and in good health. I am so grateful for all the positive support and love I get from my cyber friends.
Gratitude is something that I often forget to have. I don't need to necessarily be grateful for big things but it is the small things that count. Quite often in AA meetings people talk about making a gratitude list. I have done that this morning because I know that I have got myself into a rut this week. Mum just spoke to me on the phone for a good 30 minutes talking to me about this rut I am in. She is so wise - aren't mothers great? (I wish I felt like a great mother but I am what I am - a work in progress).
Anyway, she said that what I need to do is focus on having a good day and do things for "me" and me only. I have done my job this morning and got the girls off to school, a bit late, but they are now not my problem for a few hours. Mum said "you are in a rut and you are buying into crap and letting it dictate your day, you seem to have no way out because you won't let a door open in your head and let the bullshit go" How true. Sometimes, well actually most of the time, I wonder how to do this! So today I started a gratitude list and so far I have put the basics on, here is some of the things I have come up with:
- I am alive and the sun is shining.
- I don't have any real medical problems.
- I have food, clothes and shelter.
- I am loved (I am told I am loved all the time by my husband)
- I have children who are great and caring (they can be difficult but they are children)
- I have dogs that love me unconditionally.
- I have mum who is such a strong and supportive women who has lots of struggles of her own but always is there to support and advise.
- I have people who generally care about my wellbeing - that is obvious from the comments I have had. Through this blog and AA and other support networks.
- I am a qualified accountant and although I am not working at present it is only temporary and I can get my career back as I am only 48 and still have about 18 years of useful working life in me.
This is just the beginning and I will add to it as the days progress. It gives me "food for thought". I suffer from a destructive disease that wants me to believe that I am a bad person, wants me to loathe myself, wants me to sacrifice myself and my family just for a bloody drink. Piss off I say. Piss off today and forever.
In some stuff I have been reading and know, there are comments about this disease. Bascially, if I had cancer then no-one would be angry or disgusted with me, they would be supportive (I am talking about people who don't live with alcoholism) but with me when I drink people are disgusted and angry with me and a lot of the time they are let down because of the promises I make that never work out. I am angry with me.
Today is going to be a good day!
Thank you to all my cyber friends I am returning you all lots of love and hugs. I can't repay you enough.
Catch up later.
Cherie xx
Great to hear you are doing better! xxx
ReplyDeleteSo glad to hear you are doing better today Cherie. A gratitude list sounds like a great idea. Sometimes we tend to focus on the negative things in our lives and forget the good things. Hope you have a good day. A x
ReplyDeleteYou've gone a long way towards sobriety, and pessimism won't do any good at this point in time. It's important to focus on the benefits of staying away from alcohol. Aside from your family and closest friends, you have other bloggers who are looking forward to reading about your recovery. I'm sure your followers are more than willing to help you out in your journey to sobriety. Keep up with the updates, ok? :D
ReplyDeleteDonnie Benson @ Midwest Institute for Addiction
Thanks Donnie :)
ReplyDeleteCherie xx