I have decided that I am going to keep blogging because I want to and it helps me! Selfish, yes, but at the end of the day no one is forced to read my blog and it really is just for my benefit. It is so funny (not "ha ha" just strange) that some of my close blogger friends (not that I have many) also had the same thought about giving up blogging. But where would I be,!I know exactly where I would be! Pissed or planning to be pissed and I am not either - go me :).Yet.
Time is 11.45am and I am very calm. That is a strange feeling because normally I would be angry that my children they have not got out of bed. I lie, I am angry but calm as well, I really don't know how to explain.
So what do I do? I really want to yell and scream to get them out of bed! That is what they are expecting but I am trying to ignore, ignore, ignore. It is like putting a bottle of wine in front of me and saying "don't drink it ". Not going to happen. I want to go and get a massage (which we can't afford) just so I can relax. I am extremely fragile.
Time is now 9.38pm and I went to bed for a while. I was extremely upset about some news today involving the police. I was also very grateful that my son stood behind the car so I could not reverse out of the driveway and my youngest took the keys. If it wasn't for them I don't know what state I would be in now. Of course, I was not grateful at the time! It is a real shame that my brother and I have had a fallening out. I take responsibility for my part but it has really got out of hand. I am not sure we will be on talking terms any time soon. Nevermind, I am not going to let it derail me.
Tomorrow will be a great day. I am going for a long walk with my ex-nanny and that always recharges me and makes me feel better. I feel a bit like a bloated whale at the moment so really need to do positive things to make me feel better. Things that don't include drinking wine.
I don't think it's selfish of you to keep your blog. It's YOUR place to come and share your feelings. I have found mine to be very helpful. It keeps reminding me why I am doing this. And I like having a place to write down what I'm feeling. I would hate to lose that. You should treat yourself to a massage, you deserve it. Good luck today Cherie. A x
ReplyDeleteHi Cherie, Keep blogging. People are at different stages in their journey and need to hear all kinds of voices - triumphant, miserable, bored, jaded. It helps to get your head straight. I've just started, and I don't even know if anyone is reading it, but I'm writing as if they are listening. You might not feel it's possible today, but one day you might look back on these early posts and see how far you've come. Believe in yourself. How many bottles of wine would buy a massage? Not many. I think it's not a bad substitute.
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