Well, well, well here I am at day 6! I really can't believe I have actually been sober 6 days. It is a bloody miracle and it is all thanks to all the great blogs I am reading and the support I am getting from my blog.
I have not been 6 days sober for months. I have thought about drinking and I have even bought a bottle of wine. A funny story really. On Monday, I bought a bottle of wine just because- I did. I had it hidden in the laundry basket to take it upstairs to do what I normally do. Hide and drink and drink and hide. Hubby comes home early - bastard - why can't he just stay at work until I have had my drink - me thinks. Anyway, his trousers came down at the hem so he comes upstairs to put some jeans on so we (the royal "we" whoops did he mean me?) can fix them. He offers to help fold up the washing. Bugger, bugger I think. The bloody wine bottle is there and the last thing I want him to do is to find it and tip it out! So I hover around and he hovers around. He is not silly and he knows by my behaviour that there must be a wine bottle somewhere. I had not had a drink - which again was a bloody miracle because it was 5.30pm! Anyway, eventually I think I better go downstairs and sort out dinner and hold my breath because I was going to get a lecture. He comes down about 5 minutes later and pretends he has not found it. Screwing with my head I thought!! The facade continues through the night with the only real giveaway that he has found it is that several times he will come and hug and kiss me and say "you have done well today, don't fuck it up". This confirms that he has found it but not going to tackle me about it. This is not normal behaviour!
I spend the evening downstairs doing dinner, ironing and watching tv and do not touch this wine bottle. I am so proud of myself because I know it is there but I don't even open it to smell the wine.
Off to bed we go around 11pm. I read my book until around midnight and the wine is still not open. I have, by this time, moved it to behind my dressing table. I go to sleep happy. I wake up (sort-of) around 3am when hubby takes the dogs out to the toilet and see him looking behind my dressing table to see if the wine is still unopened. It is. I go back to sleep with a smirk on my face.
Come Tuesday, hubby goes to work as normal and the wine is still there unopened. So what did I do with it? I got my son to tip it out because if I open the wine and even sniff it I will drink it. So, Tuesday was a great day because my son and I went out together for a couple of hours. He actually wanted to spend time with me.! We went to the Zoo (he is 17 and has always had a love of animals and wants to be a zookeeper) and it was bloody freezing and windy but I was grateful he wanted to spend time with me.
Hubby got home amd we had a bit of banter about the fact that he found the wine and I knew he knew and he knew that I knew. Confused? But the best part was that he did not make a fuss about it and I arranged for it to be tipped out. Normally, hubby would make a fuss and I would think "fuck you" I am going to drink it. But I didn't.
Last night was Wednesday and I had a horrible day with my youngest. I think if you read my blog from last Wednesday you will find it it "ground-hog day". She stayed home from school because she was tired and blamed me. Why not? I am a good scape goat! Ignore, ignore, ignore my mum says. But I got angry because her friends arrived after school to see if she was ok (there was nothing wrong with her) and she fed them ice-cream and cake and whatever. I lost the plot - It might sound pathetic but I don't think I should feed all and sundry when my daughter won't even go to school. I did not make a scene (what is wrong with me?) I did convey my displeasure.
What I didn't do was drink, instead I made her do some cleaning - not just easy stuff. I made her clean the skylignts and windows around them. She did it and with grace.
Today is Thursday and my day is shit. I have had ntoification from the school that my middle child is going to be kicked out because of non-attendacnce. We have tried and tried to get her to attend school but she uses me as ane excuse. I want a drink to drown it awya but I think I will go and lie down and read a book at swithch off.
Later :)
Well done Cherie! You are doing so well. I am very proud of you. You deserve a medal to not drink having to deal with your kids wagging school all the time! Seriously though, they should be so proud of you. Hopefully they will wake up to themselves soon! Ax
ReplyDeleteThanks Angie. How are you doing?
ReplyDeleteKids are so difficult at times. My husband and I were just talking the other day about all we went to to get the youngest one through high school and graduated (us, not him). Now he's doing well, school wasn't his thing. No more wine in the house!
ReplyDeleteHey Cherie, you are fantastic!! Keep it up! My kids are all grown up and successful and two of the three were horrible as teenagers. They both did drugs and skipped school. My youngest didn't do much of any high school and today she is a professional dog groomer very much in demand in our area. My oldest is now a Project Manager, married and father of two. The one that gave me no trouble and put himself through university is struggling with alcoholism. Go figure. Everyone acts out; if not in their teenage years, then as adults. Your mother is correct: ignore, ignore, ignore! Stay sober for YOU! So happy as I was worried when you hadn't posted in a few days.
ReplyDeleteHi Deb, it is weird how things work out. There is hope for my kids yet. I am actually terrified that at least one of mine will be an alcoholic like me. I just hope that they have seen enough distruction drinking has caused that it will put them off for life. I somehow doubt it though.
DeleteCherie xx