Well, it is Wednesday and time is 11.22 am. I would like to say a huge "thank you" to those of you who are viewing my blogs and especially everyone who has commented. Once I got my girls to school - late as usual - not my problem. I have been sitting on the computer reading the comments that all you lovely people have posted. I have replied to them all this morning and it has given me a great boost for today. My son still in bed but frankly I don't care anymore (at the moment).
I just had a phone call from a good friend of mine that I have met through AA and she is keen to do something similar. I think it is great because this week - although not perfect - has been so much better than previous weeks and it is all because I am documenting (for my benefit really) how things are going. If it helps others that is such a bonus too.
I have Mrs D to thank for that as she was so very brave coming out in public about her struggle. There are so many of us that are struggling everyday and sometimes (for me anyway) every hour!
The problem for me is that my drink of choice is wine and it is so readily avaliable at supermarkets, dairies, liquor stores. I don't frequent liquor stores but do go to the supermarket regularly. For me, as you walk in the door what do I see - wine, wine, wine. I find it so hard to walk past it. Why can't they have it hidden away so have to make an effort to seek it out, especially when you are struggling like me . Would that make a difference - I don't know?
Anyway my mum had a great idea which I have been trying (half-heartly- I have to admit but will get more focused every day) write down the savings I have made by not buying wine on a daily basis. Sometimes I would buy two bottles and wonder why I am bloated and can't fit into any clothes. Does not really help the self-esteem. Someone commented yesterday that it is a horrendus rollercoaster and they are so correct.
I feel so much more positive today and although I have not done anything around the house I have not been to the supermarket either. I took my girls to school in my slippers and they were mortified but that meant (for me) I would not dare go anywhere near supermarket in my slippers.
I will check in later. Keep the support coming it is a two-way street really because we can support each other :) xx
Time is now 4.46pm and I am so much more positive today. Apart from the horrid weather with rain and hail the house is warm. I feel warm too thanks to all the positive support. My husband is about to get home from work and I know he always dreads it as he never knows what he is walking into. That must be so horrible for him and I am so very lucky he has stuck with me. If the shoe was on the "other - foot" I would have left him years ago. There must be something positive he sees in me. Maybe it is just hope.
He explained to me, not very long ago, that he would be cowardly to give up as he vowed (at our wedding) to stick by me in sickness and in health. Alcohol dependance is a sickness. It is mental obession and I physically cannot put down the drink once I start (for me anyway). I don't know about others struggling but I find it so weird that "normal drinkers" can have a glass of wine with dinner and then put the bottle back or even worse have one drink of spirits for the evening and not even finish it. Why would you do that? I really don't understand just like they probably don't understand why I need to ensure that every drop of alcohol has been consumed. Gosh I am so embarrassed to say this but this a fact. Wine glasses and being civilised went out of the window a long time ago. Screw the glass (too many dishes) just drink out of the bottle. This is something I am very ashamed of but I wonder how many other people have resorted to drinking their drink of choice out of the bottle.
Anyway off to make dinner and will check in before bed to finish off the blog for today. Hold on to all those struggling - we can do this :) xx
good on you for sticking it out.
ReplyDeleteThanks. Day not over yet.
ReplyDeleteYou sound so much brighter today. We'll done. This brightness will increase day by day as you get further from day one. I love the idea of doing the school run in slippers. That is inspired and made me roar with laughter.
ReplyDeleteThank you. I should go everywhere in my slippers to avoid being seen in public and avoid buying wine :)
DeleteHello Mary, so glad you are on this sober journey with me Granny Gets Sober) and the other sober bloggers. I remember my drinking starting to get really bad when my out of control teenage daughter was driving me crazy with her antics involving police, running away and drugs. That's so hard to manage sober. Good, fantastic, awesome for you to be doing this at a time when the stress cannot get much worse. If you can do this, you can do absolutely anything you set your mind too. Reading your posts right from the start, I believe you are ready. You may have hiccups but always keep coming back ... never give up. It took me hundreds of day ones to get to the two month mark today. All the best... Granny Deb
ReplyDeleteMary is a funny name . It is an Alias I cannot get used to it. My name is Cherie and my husband did not want me to bandy it around. (I wanted to write brandy lol) I think I have had thousands of day 1s. It is so encouraging that other people have to go back to day 1 everyday. Two months today - that is bloody awesome. Go you :) keep commenting Granny Deb because it is people like you that make the day worthwhile. I will start my blog soon xxxx :)
ReplyDeleteOooh I drank a whole heap of wine straight out of the bottle and warm wine at that!!! all of my secret drinking involved some sort of bottle either the wine bottle itself or some plastic type of bottle that I'd transferred the wine into in order to dispose of the bottle from the house, and I'd drink this wine in all sorts of very uncivilised places starting with the laundry and moving on to the wardrobe, backyard, the garage, in the car, supermarket toilets, driving through the reserve and chucking the empty bottle out the window before getting home, in the darken carpark at work....OOOH god yes all very embarrassing to admit to, though no one really knows about most of that, What people did see was the nicely chilled wine in the fridge and a nice wee glass that was used to drink it with, and a very drunk me!!!!
ReplyDeleteYes warm wine out of the bottle because I had to hide it and pretend that I hadn't been drinking. The only person I was fooling was myself. I love the last bit where you say that there is a nicely chilled bottle and a wee glass and a very drunk you! When I was drinking openly with my husban I used to have wine stashed all around the house which I would drink from first before he got home from work. I had a unopened bottle of wine to share with dinner and he would always ask me how I could be so pissed on 2 glasses of wine. Nevermind about the two bottles I had had previous. I am so going to write this in my blog today. Keep commenting it really helps inspire me :)
DeleteWell as I have told Mary (Cherie) :) My dry July is not so great. I went to Pak n save on Wednesday.. of course to get groceries and the wine jumped out as usual. I've been beating myself up.... BUT I only...drank half the bottle.. does this mean I'm cutting back?,,,,,, Worked yesterday...got home....feeling stressed... ex partner etc. etc....... had the bottle of beer left behind by someone....it didn't taste as good as the previous night one. The only reason I had the beer was that it would make my half bottle of wine last a bit longer... Surprise surprise... I only drank half the half !! So I've still got 1/4 left. Things are looking up but I think I might be kidding myself that I'm going to cut right back and drink in moderation, but when you live alone and not working for the next three days and cant get motivated to do anything or go anywhere :( :(
ReplyDeleteI know what you mean about not very motivated to do anything or go anywhere but that is what the alcohol wants. It wants to be give in and go an buy more because it keeps you company - well for me anyway. Do something positive for you today- massage, nails, walk anything that will keep you away from the dreaded stuff,. I have tried to moderate but I have found I can't and then I get continually angry with myself because I drank more than I intended. I take my hat-off to anyone who can moderate but I can't. Keep strong and keep in contact. :)
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